It is hard to know how to approach the topic of Freeman and Andrée. Even the words are inseparable. They go together like bacon and eggs, like cookies and milk, like "love and beloved," which is on their marker at KensicoI. First of all, I never saw them fight. Not with each other or with anyone else. I am not sure this was a good way for me to grow up. It was sort of a fantasy world compared to the real life I would be a part of later. It wasn't that either of them was passive. They both could be assertive. My father thought he was always right. And usually, he was. My mother was strong willed in her own way. But they complimented each other. They were exceedingly accepting of others. They took you for who you were and made no demands.
As children, we were never pressed to do well in school. We were praised if we did do good work, but were never shamed or chastised if we didn't. No pressure to excel. Perhaps that is because my mother always considered herself "not college material.II" We grew up in a carefree world. We did no chores that I can remember. We didn't even make our own beds. Mommy did that.
Some husbands and wives would be at odds with each other about who was going to take the trash out and when, or who left the dirty dishes in the sink. Not Freeman and Andrée. If they saw that something needed to be done, they would do it. They didn't have divisions of labor in that sense. Andrée was a stay at home mother and my father was the breadwinner although Andrée's family did have money and I guess you could say she brought some wealth with her as part of her dowry. We lived in a house next to my mother's father. The house belonged to my mother and her two sisters. But my parents made renovations and paid the taxes and upkeep and in the end, when it was time to sell the house, neither sister made any claims to 113 Willow St.III
Freeman worked very long hours and was under enormous stress. He was in private practice as an internist in Brooklyn. He took only two weeks vacation all year - in August. He was one of the last of a dying breed who still made house calls. On Christmas, we waited for him to come home from seeing his patients at the Brooklyn Hospital before we even opened our stockings. Many of his patients paid him in kind with bottles of wine, or pastries instead of cash.IV
When he was in his mid 50s he was offered a job in the Medical Department of Morgan Guaranty Trust. Things were getting more dangerous on the streets and my father decided to take the job to get a more secure retirement and fewer headaches that came with being self employed. The paperwork was also getting more and more complex and unwieldy. His new job was on Wall St., one stop from the Clark Street subway station, but he often walked across the Brooklyn Bridge in good weather. Even though he was told that he would never become medical director when he signed on, he did rise to that position. He was even allowed to stay on beyond the mandatory retirement age because they did not want to lose him.V
He made many innovations there. He launched an alcohol rehabilitation program -unheard of in those days. He had a defibrillator on site. He wrote a health newsletter too. He also had small cards like credit cards for the executives to carry that had health histories and even an EKG tracing on it. This was really avant- garde.
One of his favorite expressions was, "The weakest ink is stronger than the strongest memory." He was meticulous about keeping notes at work regarding conversations and things that were agreed upon at meetings. This habit served him well on many occasions.VI
At their 113 Willow Street home, Andrée held down the fort. She had a flare for decorating. She had style, class and impeccable taste. She was always well dressed and especially loved pretty sweaters.
When she was in her 80s she went out to dinner with my father and wore a lovely dress with an understated slit up one side. A young man come up to her and told her how lovely she looked. It was not an outfit that most women her age could have pulled off, but she did, with style and grace.
My mother never wore green dresses, because my father didn't like her in green. She didn't like him in brown suits and he never wore them after they were married.VII
In the spring and summer Freeman would often wear seersucker and a flat topped straw hat. Many men look foppish in bow ties, but my father and his twin brother always looked great in bow ties. Freeman also wore garters for his socks. He wore striped grosgrain watchbands. He said leather watchbands smelled after awhile, but you could always wash a ribbon band.
When they lived in the city before he retired, he almost always wore a three-piece suit from Brooks Brothers and wingtip shoes. His shoes were always polished and his pants were never shiny. He rarely wore an overcoat. He had a little black doctor's bag made of walrus skin.
Once they retired to Sandy Hook, Connecticut, he gave up the three-piece suits for bib overalls with rubber bands at his ankles instead of garters, to keep the deer ticks off.VIII
Andrée loved flowers and usually had arrangements in the den, living room, dining room, and also in the guest rooms. She was especially skilled at miniature flower arrangements. Her favorite tree was the Horse Chestnut. When you came to stay for the night, there was always a "pillow present" awaiting you. She turned down the guest beds at night and her beds always had blanket covers.IX
She was an excellent cook and had very eclectic taste in food. Even into her 80's she was trying new recipes and was the consummate hostess. Everything was well organized so that when guests arrived, she did not have to spend much time in the kitchen.
Her days of preparing meals with my aunts at Goshen, often for more than 20 people at each meal, served her well. One of her tricks for preparedness was to label the serving dishes. Peas in the silver dish, curry in the flat mustard-colored casserole, rice in the square pinkish dish, salad in the white bowl, dessert on the glass platter…that way she didn't have to scramble at the end and could easily enlist help from others with a minimum of instructions. Butter was often pressed into small French butter dishes or paddled into butter balls.X
Sometimes, 113 Willow Street seemed more like a rooming house than a family home. There was always someone staying with us. To give an example of their generosity and acceptance, my parents even took in a pregnant friend of mine and her ex-con husband because her own parents, who lived nearby, had turned them away.
Another friend stayed with us for years rent-free while he was in graduate school at Columbia. Andrée and Freeman were consummate hosts. Everyone was welcome and the more the merrier. On Sunday nights we usually had friends for supper. We grilled hot dogs in the basement fireplace. When I was young, my father's childhood friend, Holbrook Barber, joined us for dinner on Wednesday nights. My mother didn't make much of a fuss when Holby came…he ate whatever we were eating, and sometimes it was hotdogs standing on end in a bed of mashed potatoes.XI
In the late 1960's, my cousins, the Marshalls, came to live with us because their parents had died. For me, it seemed like a seamless transition. The family had just increased in size, no big deal.XII
On Friday nights Freeman took the family and whoever was staying with us out to dinner. It was often to an Italian restaurant called Cafiero's, but sometimes we went to China town, Little Italy or Atlantic Avenue, which was a Middle Eastern neighborhood. My father had patients in all the ethnic neighborhoods of Brooklyn including Jews in Flatbush and Germans, Russians and Scandinavians in Bay Ridge and Coney Island.
He loved the amusement park at Coney Island and delighted in taking us on the scariest rides: The Parachute Jump, The Cyclone and the Bobsled. He laughed and squealed with sheer delight on these rides.
When he died we decided to scatter some of his ashes from the top of the Cyclone. He would have liked that. We scattered him from the Brooklyn Bridge, at Poly Prep, at Clinton Street and Willow Street and of course at Goshen, the place that he loved best. He even wrote an essay about Goshen and how it was heaven on earth.XIII
Besides loving rollercoasters, he loved dogs. He wasn't at all fond of cats. Once I asked him why he disliked cats so much. He pondered and then said that his mother had had a morbid fear of cats and he guessed that's why he didn't like them. But he loved dogs and they loved him. I could tell you more about the pack of 40 dogs they had at Goshen, but that is a story for another time.
Although Andrée was a good seamstress, it was Freeman who made our Halloween costumes. He liked doing things for kids. He organized summer games for the kids at Ragged Lake every summer. He made all of the games himself. He had a good imagination and was very creative.XIV
He was also a very fine physician and was known for his diagnostic skills. Once, he even diagnosed psittacosis (parrot fever) over the telephone, having heard a parrot screeching in the background as the patient described his symptoms.
Andrée did beautiful crewelwork and also did Russian punch-needle. She painted innumerable floor cloths. She took craft and art lessons all the time. She made lampshades and driftwood furniture, beadwork and many other projects. She kept busy and loved to learn.
She had a deep and enduring love for France and anything French because her mother was French. I think that her mother's untimely death left a hole in her. She tried to instill a love of France in all her children and grandchildren to keep a piece of her mother alive.
Neither Andrée nor Freeman believed in a life after death. It makes you wonder why Freeman went to church on Sundays and said his prayers on his knees every morning and night.XV
I think it was a combination of things: a discipline that he had had all his life; it was a time of reflection for him; but mostly I think it was a time of thanks giving. One of his favorite sayings was "Count your blessings, it could be worse."
We often asked him what he prayed about. He was evasive in his answers. But he did tell me once that he concluded his prayers by saying "may the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart, and my actions be acceptable in thy sight, oh Lord, my strength and my redeemer." Psalm 19…to which he added and my actions.
He was the most honest and honorable man that I have ever known, a remarkable example for his children.
He loved to sing and even though he didn't have a particularly good voice, he didn't care and would sing in front of anyone. Hymns, army songs, love songs, children's songs. He knew hundreds of songs. He also loved quotations and could recite many poems. My favorite was Jean Despres by Robert Service. He regaled us with poetry and songs when we were on long car trips.XVI
Andrée was known for her candor, her calm - almost blasé demeanor. She was unshakeable. She was known to say inappropriate things by mistake sometimes. In fact, we used to collect Andrée-isms. For example, once she was having a conversation with someone and wanted to say "the Lord works in mysterious ways" but instead she said, "the Lord is devious." Most of her friends and family were used to these faux pas and forgave them.
Andrée had a great gift…she made friends easily and was loved by many. She was very generous, accepting and caring. This perhaps, explains why she found it easy to make new friends. She made no pretenses. What you saw was what you got. In her older years especially, she seemed to seek out friendships with younger people. And although it was not a conscious decision, it served her well and kept her young.
Freeman and Andrée were devoted to their children, their extended families and to each other. Love and Belovéd pour toujours.XVII
Finis.XVIII
Footnotes by Patsey Love
IKenisco Cemetery, Valhalla, New York (Freeman A. Smith plot) where several Love family members are buried. (CRL and wife GAS, JAL & husband JJB, HEAL, husband DAS & two son's DAS II, & RHS, Margretta A Love & husband Robert E. Marshall, FDL & wife AW ashes scattered together, as well as FAS wife HAC and son DS etc.);
IIMommy attended high school at Ethel Walkers, but did not graduate... she got a certificate of attendance. She used to try and get out of gym class by saying she was feeling sick (anemic or it was that time of the month);
IIIIn early child hood the family lived with Andrée's father and mother, as did her sisters. Each family had a floor at 109 Willow Street to themselves, I suppose because the men were away due to WWII. Though the girls did travel with their husbands to boot camp.
IVMom would occasionally go on house calls with him, and wait in the car while he was calling on the patients. She did so because she felt she didn't get to see him or spend much time with him. The phone was always open to receiving calls day and night...anytime was ok to ring, but it meant that Dad would have to make a house call.
VHis twin brither, Robert, was offered the job and did not want it. He told them to contact his brother...Daddy. Morgan was not interested in Daddy but gave him an interview due to Robert's recommendations. Eventually, when he became the medical director, a new doctor was hired and the Medical team of Love and Haight (pronounced Hate) came to be.
VIOther favorite expressions: "Wilful waste makes woeful want." "The truth will out." "Some people just like to be stupid…they just don't know any better."
VIIMom had a way of speaking her mind and calling things as she saw them, but she did it in a manner that was not offensive though it could be embarrassing.
VIIIHowever, they would go out to lunch every day in Sandy Hook where they retired and he would change out of the overalls and into Khakis, the old familiar Brooks Brothers shirt and a sweater. He would also wear a sweater to bed over his pj's and always a pair of socks.
IXShe also had seasonal bedspreads, slipcovers for her living room furniture, and tablecloths with matching napkins (many of which she made herself).
XShe loved sauces, due to the French influence...and was a true chocoholic. She was allergic to chocolate. It made her sneeze, but she ate it anyway. As a treat, Daddy used to make petite pain au chocolate for her... he would take two pieces of white bread and melt a Hershey bar in-between the slices.
XIBut to make them fancy she would slit the ends of the hot dogs in a cross or star pattern, so the ends that were sticking out of the mashed potatoes split, curled and looked like a flower.
XIIThe ages of the cousins at the time were 21, 19, 17, and 12.
XIIIFunny thing about Goshen, once the farm was sold Daddy would not step foot back on the property. His brother, Richard, lived next to the farm, and we often visited him, but daddy would not cross the boundary to the farm. The new owners kept everything the same...even the barns held the old Love possessions that were left behind. It's still known as the Love Farm.
XIVRagged Lake is a fishing camp in the Adirondacks near Malone, just outside of Owl's Head, New York. It belongs to the family Aunt Jean's husband, John (Dickie) Dickinson. Jean is my mother's sister. It is an amazing place...a three mile lake, untouched by modern conveniences, no electricity, gas stoves, kerosene lamps, and no motor boats allowed.
XVDaddy used to say people who went to Church every Sunday were the ones you could rely on... I think that went back to his war experience, the ones who showed at the Chapel services were the men you could trust to be there for you in battle.
XVIHe would also sing to Mom every morning while he was getting dressed for work.
XVIIMom had a favorite necklace dad had given her...engraved with the words "pour toujours."
